Maybe....

How do you handle emotions? What do you do when you feel depressed? You may feel as if there is no goal in your life. You feel lost. You dont know what to do. And to top it up, you are not absolutely sure about the reason for all these emotions/feelings. You try to find a reason.

Maybe your friend did something wrong. No, but he/she was right in her own way. What he/she did is in no way wrong for him/her. But then, why are you upset about what he/she did? Maybe there are issues at your college or work place. Your professor never takes you seriously. No matter what you write, he would not give you good marks. Whereas, his favourite student gets all the good marks and all the praise. Or maybe, your boss had a problem at his place and decided to bring it all out on you. Or maybe you are not getting the responsibilities you deserve. Or maybe you are underpaid and on searching you are not getting a job that you would like. Or maybe, your collegues just dont get along with you. Or maybe you had a fight with your collegue over some small issue in the project. Or maybe your girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband cares for someone more than he/she cares for you. Maybe you are right. Maybe you are wrong. You are not sure.

What do you do in such a situation? You feel lonely. You feel lost. You may want to end up your life. How? Take loads of sleeping pills. Or maybe hang yourself from the cealing. Or maybe just jump off the tallest building in your city. But then again, there is no reason for doing so. There is no reason to kill yourself. Why should you kill yourself when you have not achieved what you were meant to achieve in life. But then again what are you supposed to achieve? You are not sure of anything. Well or maybe you are afraid of death. Buy why?? After all some day you are going to die. Is there a reason to live? Why are you alive? What is the purpose of your life?

Maybe you would sit in a corner and cry. And you try to hide yourself from the world. Maybe your friend comes to console you. And maybe you cry on his/her shoulder or maybe you just shoo him away. You expect someone to take care of you. But when someone comes and asks you what is wrong, you dont know how to explain. Maybe you can trust the person or maybe you cant. Maybe the person will understand you or maybe not. You are not sure. You are alone. You are lonely. You struggle with yourself trying to decide what to do. What is right and what is wrong.

And then maybe the next day, you wake up and you feel lucky. Or maybe, you get a call from someone you really care about. Or something unexpectedly good happens. Or maybe the grief simply fades with time. Your mind hides the grief in one of its secret places. And you decide never to look in that place. You cope up with yourself. You feel good. You continue to live...

You laugh, you cry. You get angry. You get depressed. You get excited. That, i think is life...

why?? why??

• Why are people jealous of each other?


• Why do people have an ego?


• Why do people have an attitude?


• Why can't people consider each other as equal?


• Why are there caste restrictions?


• Why is a girl child not considered as equal to a boy child?


• Why is there more than 50% reservation for SC/ST/OBC people?


• Why do we give and take dowery?


• Why are most of the cops corrupt?


• Why is there crime in society?


• Why can't we simple admire beauty without tampering with it?


• Why are we possessive of the ones we love?


• Why do terrorists kill innocent people?


• Why do we fight with a rickshaw wala for Rs 2/- while we spend 150/- on a movie without a word of protest?


• Why are people emotional?


• Why do some relations break?


• Why is love painful?


• Why do girls mostly answer "I used to think of you only as a friend" OR "I never had such thoughts about you" when you propose her?


• Why are there issues with property?


• Why cant we simply take what is ours and let others have what is theirs?


• Why do we have to tip the waiter always?


• Why cant we do what we love to do?


• Why do people steal what is not theirs?


• Why do people kill?


• Why do people rape?


• Why are homo sapiens self destructive?


• Why is it difficult to let go of someone you love?


• Why do we fall in love?


• Why is there a censor board in a democratic country?


• Why is there still illetracy in India?


• Why do i like India but still hate it?


• Why do we fight with someone we love?


• Why is it that most of the times boys have to propose and be rejected?


• Why cant girls propose?


• Why are there love triangles?


• Why are we afraid of the truth?


• Why can't I simply be what i am no matter whatever the situation is?


• Why is sholay still considered to be the best bollywood movie?


• Why are some people fat and others thin?


• Why are most of the girls cute?


• Why is it difficult to live alone?


• Why do we need to marry?


• Why are people not ok with gay and lesbian relations?


• Why cant everybody be in peace and happy?


• Why is it difficult to live?


• Why are we afraid of death?

No!!, this is not something i am writing under desperation or depression. I am as happy as a lark. Have been thinking about writing this for a long time... It is something i think is right but... whatever.......

Maybe this is how the world is, and, if everything would be right, there would be no challenges worth facing in life. These are the questions which i think should define life (a struggle) as it is. There are still lots of whys still left out.

And finally, why do i like my bullet so much...

some realizations...

These were some of the realizations that i had when i fell down with jaundice on september 2005. It is actually copy pasted from here. I have modified some according to what i felt.

1) home rocks!! specially when one falls ill!!
2) falling ill is a good time to figure out who are the people who really care for you.
3) the world is not gonna stop running, just coz i ain't not participating right now.
4) there is no right or wrong decision..decisions seem right at the right time.
5) life may not work out the way I envision it, but it does work out.
6) negative emotions are just passing and not reality. don't act on them!!
7) 'woh lamhe' from 'zehar' still rocks, even though aashique banaaya is hot!
8) never try to get in touch with old flames..the flame is out..accept it!!. Some people move on faster than other people. Though the original author says that men move on faster, but i feel that it is just a matter of who is better at "letting go" first. It can be either.
9) you get to know a lot of gud and caring friends when you fall ill.

It was a bad experience, my jaundice period. I had a relapse and the jaundice extended to a 3 month bed rest and torture. Anyways... some day down the time line, i might write down about how i fell ill, what i felt, and how things changed while i stood static.