Brain vs GF

BRAIN Vs GF No prices for guessing who won at last. Nice one..........*

Akash was waiting for his love ....

"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??"

"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and stuff .... oh there she is"

"Scold her OK?", his brain adviced.

"OK I will try"

Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey .. I was shopping for shoes .. totally forgot about you"

"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain ... "she would have had a nervous breakdown"

Akash ignored his brain .. "Its OK honey .. its only half an hour . no problem"

She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today"

"OMG!!!", thought Akash .....

"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"

Brain got into action ... he started delegating work to different parts ..

parallel processing .. multiple search .......... complete memory scan.

Sheetal stared at Akash .... "Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2 minutes now ... u OK?"

"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh ... nothing's wrong .. was lost in thought"

"No records found", said the brain ...

"Da**mn!!", thought Akash

"So what say ... how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.

Akash is all confused ... "Ask her ...dumbo?".. said the brain

"OK OK ...stop pushing me"

"Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today is"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", she shouted ... and started crying.

"How could you forget!! ..... its my doggy's birthday"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A moment of silence.

His entire brain staff was laughing at him.

Akash was dumbfounded.

"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.

"Damage control sequence initialized ... dont worry our specialist will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"

"Better do it fast ..brainy"

The brain was working at 90% capacity .... gathering and analyzing all data on 'How to handle women?'

Finally an answer was computed and communicated to Akash.

He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggy's bday .. how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"

She looked up with utter surprise ...

"HUH!!!!!!! ........ Doggy is the name of my cat you je**rk"

She stood up angrily and left.

Akash and his brain were left there clueless .

...........

Ever!!

bill gates in 2nd grade

A note from Bill Gates' second grade teacher:

Billy has been having some trouble behaving in class lately... Last Monday he horded all of the crayons and refused to share, saying that he needed all 160 colors to maximize his 'innovation'. He then proceeded to sell little pieces of paper ("End-User License Agreement for Crayons" he called them) granting his classmates the 'non-transferable right' to use the crayons on a limited time basis in exchange for their lunch money...

When I tried to stop Billy, he kept harping about his right to innovate and how my interference violated basic notions of free-market capitalism. "Holding a monopoly is not illegal," he rebutted. I chastised him for talking back, and then I took away the box of crayons so others could share them... angrily, he then pointed to a drawing of his hanging on the wall and yelled, "That's my picture! You don't have the right to present my copyrighted material in a public exhibition without my permission! You're pirating my intellectual property. Pirate! Pirate! Pirate!"

I developed a headache that day that even the maximum dosage of Aspirin wasn't able to handle. And then on Tuesday, he conned several students out of their milk money by convincing them to play three-card Monty...

creating opportunity

If opportunity does not knock on the door, open the door and drag the opportunity inside...

The other Stall

This could happen to you tooo.........

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom. I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine!'

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here.'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question:
'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me. I figured I could politely end the conversation. I say:
'No........I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the person say, nervously:
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!'

Avoid using the mobile when you are answering a nature's call

After Death

HTML / XML Expert...

Networking Expert...

Programmers...

Softwareism

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..."
and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew .
.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Sardarism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)

5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 .. Redo step 4

9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release
repeat from step 1) !!!!

QA Tester Versus Developer

How Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)

Roshan D'Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.



Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.



After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.



After another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.



After another 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.



Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.



Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.



Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Thakur: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.



Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Thakur: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?

Roshan D'Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.



After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.



After 1 year

Roshan D'Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noise or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noise.



Roshan D'Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.

Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)

Cities in india...

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.

You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.

That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.

That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly opens a chai-stall

That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software Program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the
program.

That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.

That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being friends.

You are in Goa

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You are DEFINITELY IN Haryana

Anger Management

Having a bad day?

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take It out
on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on someone
you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that Anyone
could be so rude. I realized I had called the wrong number. I tracked down
Robin's correct number and called her. I had accidentally transposed the last
two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call
the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an *******!" and hung
up.

I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in my
desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an *******!" It always cheered me up.


When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '*******' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith
from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with
the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *******!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window . . so, I
wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* ( I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW *******, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."


"Can you tell me where I can see it?"


"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street . It's a yellow house, and the car's
parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an *******."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a
problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to
be. So, I came up with an idea. I called ******* #1.

"Hello."

"You're an *******!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"*******, I live at 1802 West 34th Street , a yellow house, with my black
Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your
prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******."

Then I called ******* #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, *******," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...!"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, *******, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802
West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West
34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street .

When I got there, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other
in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 13
news crew.

NOW, I feel better - This is "Anger Management" at its very best.

ctrl C & ctrl V

Your Colleague: Hey!! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar!! Naye packages dekh.... Naye language seekh, Night out Maar....Fundoo programming kar like me....! Do something cool man!!

You: Achha! To usse Kya hoga...

You 're Colleague: Impression!! ! Appraisal!!! Har appraisal main tu No 1! Hike in salary!! Extra Stocks

You: Phir kya hoga...

Your Colleague: Project Leader ban jaayega..Phir Project Manager!!! Phir Business Manager! One day U will be a Director of the Company man !!

You: Acchha to phir kya hoga...

Your Colleague: Abe phir tu aish karega! Koi kaam nahin karna padega! Araam se office aayega aur MAIL check karega.

You: To ab main kya kar raha hoon????


"Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao.

Programming hai waste, trust only copy-paste "


Powered by ctrl C


Driven by ctrl V

world without engineers

Mechanical Engineer

Aeronautical Engineers

civil engineers

communication engineers

computer engineers

Electronics Engineer

infy - coffee machine havoc on email

This is an email about how infy benchers are creating havoc with respect to getting better coffee in office. Please read from bottom up...


================================================



Read from the bottom



Read from the bottom

This is a sample from the Infy Bangalore Bulletin Board.... its one hell of a discussion... Go for a Bottom-Up approach(read from the last message....)... the benchers strike again creating a havoc....









********************************************************************************************************************************************************************
From:Anirban Mookherjee
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:59 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Yes certainly they should have, as infy is a global company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps after tasing the coffee and tea here the client might want to outsource their coffee and tea facility to Infy














From:Kartik Krishnamurthy
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:53 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
wil our dear cows /buffaloos........................................etc hav onsite oppurtunities as they wud surely want to know this in the interview...............













From:Archana Amperayani
Posted At: Fri 1/20/2006 4:44 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Ba-Ba Moo-Moo - ROTFL

What will the grazing grounds signboards say in that case? "Milking in progress, No mooing please?"
And will the cattle stock be taught to read these K

Thanks and Regards,
Archana.













From:Shatadip Som
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:40 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Yes we need to have very strict selection criteria so that only quality cows/buffaloes/camels/goats/sheep/llama/elk/elephants etc. are recruited for milking.

1) Should have consistently high 'milkademic' performance. Should have given more than or equal to 10 litres/day in the past.
2) Should have high 'dungamatic' quotient. Should not have passed dung on the premises more than 3.4 times per 1000 days.
3) Should be good team players and not kick the milkman while milking.
4) Should meet deadlines and allow milking at late-hours and night-shifts too for the foreign clients.
5) Should have no communication skills else can disturb the employees by ba-ba/moo-moo etc.


-----Original Message-----
From: Ankit Singh Chauhan
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:19 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject:

Can we have a separate DC for their Training n production?
"Production People" - no they would called "Production Animals"

N they hv separate recruitment policy.

Can any one suggest their minimum criteria?




Ankit Singh Chauhan
Software Engineering
Communication Service Provider
Infosys-Bangalore(India)
(- 91-80-41564013
3- 91-80-28520261
Mob - 91- 9986139803
:*AnkitSingh_Chauhan@infosys.com














From:Ankur Sharma
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:14 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Ya...and that will make devegowda happy too J

Ankur..













From:Chandan Chatterjee
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:12 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject:


Can the milking of the cows, buffaloes and goats be outsourced since it's not a core competency that Infy enjoys ?













From:Anirban Mookherjee
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:11 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Yes thats true.

As cars or two wheelers are no more allowed inside the campus and the golf carts are only for the clients the ones who do not know cycling can use kangaroos for quick transportations from one place to another withing the campus.














From:Santhosh S Damle
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 4:03 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Yes, 'Photo ID Card' is necessary!
Or we would need dogs if the animals look too similar for security guys to identify.
Baggage check is not in question right now, but may be some day, if we have plans to allow Kangaroos for some reason. J

SSD














From:Anirban Mookherjee
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:53 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?


Will the goats, buffaloes, cows and other animals have to follow the dress code????????? And will they have permanent ID card???????/ After all security was questioned by one of us!

I think having ID cards will help ensure better security. + the dress code will make them look more professional














From:S Sriram
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:43 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Guys ............. It was started with cow. Then people added buffalos and goats to the list. Check if anything else is missed out ( if its milk is useful or it is useful in someother way) before sending the suggestion to the concerned dept / authority.














From:Anirban Mookherjee
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:26 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Re:Can we have better coffee vending machines?

No need to buy the vending macines as CCD will provide them on loan I guess. Now coming to the goats/cows/buffaloes we have to purchase them, now the question is how many???? Should all building have one of each or should one building have only one animal?/? That is the point we have to decide on.

As far as the plantation goes I think the golf course is used no more, so we can have a tea and coffee plantation over there. After all its about tea or coffee so we need the main ingredient fresh!!!!! isnt it????????














From:Nitin Chaganlal Jain
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:14 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Re:Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Now we have to decide whether should buy Vending machines or milk giving animals like Cow/buffalo/Goat?


Regards,
Nitin Jain C.
ES-Oracle Practice,Blr.
Extn #: 60749, Mobile#: 9845195968













From:Amarpal Singh Sanghera
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:12 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

What if some buffalo turns out to be a LeT operative ?














From:Archana Amperayani
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 3:09 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

No!
If you want I can sign a petition online beseeching the authorities to allow cows, buffaloes and good coffee vending machines in Infy....
That's the MAX I am willing to do J

Thanks and Regards,
Archana.













From:Anirban Mookherjee
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:55 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

I think Archana is the one who might arrange for the goats!!!!!!! (No offences meant) :-)

Can anyone make the arrangements for the cow and buffaloes please?

Also the tea and coffee plantations!!!!!!!!1

;-)

















From:Sunil Kamat
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:50 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Who is Archana? Is it a goats name??



Regards,
Sunil Kamat
Software Engineer | Infosys Technologies Ltd. | Bangalore
Extn: 63245 | Mobile: 91 99451 29390 | Direct: 91 80 515 63245













From:Rajesh Rawat
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:39 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject:

Can we have explanations?


Rajesh Rawat
Infosys Technologies Ltd,
Bangalore
EMEA, UKRetails & CPG













From:Joyjit Guha
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:37 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

I did not get this L
Goats and then Archana are you listening?














From:Anup Narayan Talegaonkar
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:23 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Why don't we have goats too......?.

Archana are you listening?














From:Amarpal Singh Sanghera
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:14 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Can we also have buffaloes please ??? J














From:S Sriram
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 2:11 PM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: RE: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

I agree with you that milk powder is no substitute for actual milk. Similarly old milk is no substitute for fresh milk.

So how about having a cow and a decoction maker in each building, so that we can get a nice flavoured coffee.











From:Madhu Raghavendra Sagar
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 11:57 AM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject:

Yes please...both tea and coffee taste really horrible...the milk powder is no substitute for actual milk.. what with all kinds of bugs coming out of the machine too!

It would be really nice to have something like what is suggested below.











From: Nitin Chaganlal Jain
Posted At: Friday, January 20, 2006 11:45 AM
Posted To: KEC General
Conversation: Can we have better coffee vending machines?
Subject: Can we have better coffee vending machines?

Hi,

Can we have better coffee vending machines in BglrDClike other DC's? I remember we had got this Horlicks/Bornvita Vending machines in Hyd-DC (one per building) which lot of people out there has appreciated. Can we hope of getting similar ones in BglrDC.


Regards,
Nitin Jain C.
ES-Oracle Practice,Blr.
Extn #: 60749, Mobile#: 9845195968

===================================================

matrimonial ads worth a look

These are Girls ads taken from shaadi.com
These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar
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straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your
basic grammar after reading this mail...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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(The principle of running life smoothly was never so
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he should be good looking and should have a service.
he Shoulsd have one
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(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar
Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......

(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she
must be demanding too much, ain't he?)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear
jeans in house but while
steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY
TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS
ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF
GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY
SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH
ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing{laughing})


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is
going to be someone groom
and he must think of the future life if he is
toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me
what this girl wants)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search
my patner and i love the
patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok".
The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND
NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND
1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

(the "ok syndrome" again)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two
sister and fater&mother sister complity marred

(somebody please explain in comments section how to
get married 'completely'?)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one
brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my
original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes
you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! J )


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me
heartly or he havea frank
he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a
whitey. IThink the main think
is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful.
but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but
my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam
''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.

(uttama purishinin)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY
HABIT.

(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run
my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not
good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in
the same caste or other caste accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..???)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like
social service

(Zebra..???)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple
who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable

(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she
is yet to find a bridegroom.
I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am
sure she will get one soon.)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his
any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.

(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd
company which not paying
salary at present.

(Any takers again?)

why students fail in exams?

It's not the fault of the student if he/she fails b/c the year has an only 365 days.

Typical academic year for a student.

52 Sundays in a year which are rest days.
Balance 313 days.

Summer holidays 50 where weather is too hot & difficult to study
Balance 263 days

8hrs daily sleep means 122 days.
Balance 141 days

1 hr for daily playing (good for health) means15 days.
Balance 126 days.

2hrs daily 1 for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat) means 30 days.
Balance 96 days.

1hr for talking (human is a social animal) means
15 days.

Balance 81 days.

Exam days per year at least 35 days.
Balance46 days

Quarterly, half yearly & festival holidays means 40 days.
Balance 6 days.

For sickness at least 3 days.
Balance 3 days.

Movies & functions at least 2 days.
Balance 1 day.

That 1 day is your birthday.

How can a student pass??

C Program to Propose a girl -> too gud

/*C Program to Propose a girl*/

#include "STD_ISD_PCO.h"
#include "love.h"
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);
if(lady ==Cute )
line++;
while( !reply ){
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%",&reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U"){
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission){
coke++;
Popecorn++;}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<= 8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close()){ pay->bill;
come->out;}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
}
friendsroom: { goto sleep; }
sleep: { *(dream)=love; }